Skinny Guilt

Do you think we don't know what we look like? I do. When I eat in public I feel as though hundreds of eyes are on me. "Look at the fat man!" "Man, he's packing it away". "

He's walking around with a burrito hanging from his mouth like a man with his cigarette."

We shamefully order our food which is usually unhealthy. We look around and notice everyone with salads and no one with the hamburger and fries. When someone we know sits down beside us we move our plates to the center of the table...then quietly resume eating when their backs are turned. Oh, I know.

We do have to eat and most of the time we are eating no more than we should.

It's a mental thing. You are guilty...heck, even I find myself watching a large person stuffing things in their mouth...wondering why they are gorging themselves with food. I take a step back and look at a plate with clean rib bones and grease drippings from where the greasy fries used to lay.
I wish I would have their attitudes, even if they are unhealthy attitudes. "I can't take another bite of this salad." WHAT? You ate one leaf! You weigh a buck ten and have never been fat in your life. Your kids obsess about their weight and they haven't reached puberty yet. Maybe I should be more like that, but cleaning the plate is important - especially if you have a piece of bread to sop up the juices. I love the allure of having a sauce to mop up at the end of your meal. It's as if you have accomplished this great task...Man vs. Food...and now you are going in for the kill.
That's right...eating for me is a hunt.

First you creep up on the victim (the appetizer)...you make sure your camouflage is positioned correctly (spreading of napkin)...you ready your weapon (knife in right hand, fork in left)...then out bush appears the beast, (main course) the chicken, oblivious of your presence it relaxes in the field (plate). Then, without warning the shot is fired, the meat is carved and consumed. Ahhhh....relaxing, you enjoy the victory of your hunt by cleaning your weapon (sopping up the juices).

OK...I can see why healthy people may be a little freaked out by me when I eat in public. I will try not to hunt anymore. I will try to be civilized.
It's been tough. I'm still not motivated to exercise...and yesterday was so stressful that I consumed very bad foods. I may have another stressful report on Monday...we will see how things unfold this weekend.